Any parent who is about to give
their pre-teen “The Talk” is extremely nervous. Not only is the adult nervous
though; the kid is as well. It may seem weird to hear these things coming from
your parent. The conversation will take place in the living room also known as
the family room. It should happen on the weekend so the kid doesn’t immediately
go to school the next day but rather have time to take all of this live
changing information in possibly for the first time. The topic should be
approached with caution so the kid knows that this is a serious manner and not
something to be joking about. The parent should tell the child at dinner that
there will be a family discussion in the living room after the meal is over. Both
parents and the child will gather in the living room and say, “Now that you are
getting a little bit older I am sure you notice the significant difference
between girls and boys and possibly are developing strong feelings and urges
towards someone. We are going to discuss something that you may have heard a
little bit about already but if you have questions at any time, please feel
free to ask. Now Women are made to have babies and men help women make babies.
When a man and a woman love each other, they get married and they have sex,
then 9 months later a baby is born. It is very hard on children when their
parents are not married so that is why it is important to wait until you are
married to have sex. Having sex at any time raises the possibility of getting
pregnant so it is very important to wait to have sex. Choose the person you
have sex with carefully and make sure you are willing to spend the rest of your
life with them because a baby is a huge commitment. Now here is how a baby is
made, a man and a women lay down and he puts his penis in her vagina. The sperm
fertilizes the egg, and the egg turns into a fetus then a baby is born. There
are so many reason not to have sex before you are married, for girls the number
one reason to wait is because that is all guys want from you and once you give
it up to them, he will not want you anymore and he will brag to all his friends
about how he had sex with you, the main reason for boys is due to the fact of
child support, if you have sex before you are married, you most likely don’t
really even like the girl’s personality and you just want to have sex with her
but she will have you paying child support for the next 18 years and always try
to hold something over your head. Please wait until you get married to have
sex. It is not just something you do to feel good, it has much greater consequences
even using preventative measures, a pregnancy can still arise.” Some questions
the parents should anticipate the child to ask might be: “Well what are the
preventative measures? Why should we wait to get married before we have sex,
when everyone else is doing it? Did you wait until you got married to have sex?”
The parents’ answers in the order of questions may be, “Some preventative
measures to use are condoms, birth control, and most importantly abstinence
until you get married. It is hard on children to have a step parent and it is
hard on a parent to pay child support, do not risk pregnancy before marriage, premarital
sex is not worth putting everyone through a hard situation. I did not wait to
have sex before I got married but I promise I wish I would have, men used it as
a way to have power over me and I was too young to realize that until after it
happened. I am lucky I did not get pregnant until after I got married as well,
it is nice to have your Dad and you around all of the time. Please if you even
have a question or a situation, do not feel afraid or embarrassed to come to me
and discuss it, I love you no matter what and please do not confide in anyone
else about this matter as they will be biased about this opinions as they do
not care for your best interest in the same way as I do.”
I think the most important thing is making your child feel comfortable to discuss this with you. He or she may feel better talking to only the parent of the same gender. I know my daughter would not want to talk about this in front of her dad. You bring up a good point about men using sex to have power over a woman. I want my girls to always be in control of their own lives and desires and they need to be assured that sex should not be used to gain power. Sex is the ultimate expression of love to give only to someone you are truly in love with.
ReplyDeleteBrandie,
ReplyDeleteI could relate to a lot of valid points you made throughout your post in regards to educating your child about sex. In my opinion, the hardest part of “The Talk” is to find a way that engages the child to open up and discuss the realities about sex. When we were first given this assignment, I thought it would be fairly straightforward to describe an ideal approach to talking to a preteen about sex. As I began reading and researching all of the issues that stem from sexually-related topics such as body image, reproductive challenges, and STD’s, the outcomes of making bad decisions based on poor information became overwhelming. The challenge to me as a parent is the question of how to present this important information to our kids in a way that can be communicated on their level without sounding too much like you’re just lecturing them. Your post provided some interesting perspectives about the issues while remaining genuine about why it is imperative to have “The Talk” with your child as they grow and mature.
Thanks,
Crystal Dean
Hi Brandie!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your blog very much! I think that treating the topic with a very matter-of-fact style helps your kids and takes away any weirdness they might feel. I have three boys, 23, 19 and 16. We have never sat down and had "the talk" with them but have always had an open door "policy" with them to allow them to ask any questions or just open up about what's on their minds. My oldest son surprised me the most one day when we were talking about abstinence, teen age pregnancy, etc. He said that he was most scared of STD's. He told me he had two good friends who were infected and it worried him. He told me this while we were driving - I tried not to swerve off the road because he had never been that open with me before. I think with teenagers you always need to be prepared for anything and just try to be calm. I wish my husband and I would've had "the talk" with my older two. We are much wiser now and I am going to discuss having a "talk" to our youngest son with my husband. I think that it would give him a chance to see his parents in a different light and see that he really can talk to us about anything. I have more knowledge about STD's from our class among other topics, which will give me confidence for our conversation.
You did a great job on your blog! Your kids will benefit from your logical approach and sensibility!
~Cathy Embry
Brandie,
ReplyDeleteI want to start off by saying that you did a great job on your post. However, I do have to disagree with the viewpoint. Unless the child in this situation goes to an incredibly strict private school, telling a child to wait until marriage with the threat of child support and single-parent and/or step parent households may not be the best advice. This is also only my opinion. I grew up in a house hold with a single mom and later a step-dad. I have adjusted quite well, as have the many others that I know that grew up in this manner. If your child attends public school this is most likely going to be taught in a health class, at least it was for me circa 1999-2000. We learned about the hormonal changes, consequences, statistics, and ways to prevent such things if we did decide to have sex. I feel that telling a kid they MUST wait until marriage or horrible things will happen to them is a form of scare tactic that I'm not sure is what is going to actually help the child. Again, this is my own opinion, but I decided to leave a comment because your post was thought out and I did enjoy reading it. I think it's important to not only comment on the things that you like or dislike, I like to mix it up a bit and get my voice out there. Nice job! :)
-Michele
Brandie,
ReplyDeleteI was so happy to read your blog. I have 2 kids and even though they are still very young, I’m already trying to prepare for “The Talk”. I really liked the openness of your conversation but I have to say, it brought back some memories. My parents never had the talk with me but I was brought up thinking that women who had sex before marriage were horrible people. Even though I was older than most young people today the first time I had sex, I still didn’t wait until I was married and it truly was a dark time in my like. I felt so ashamed and unworthy and I ended up going. I will not teach my children that. I think it’s important to teach them abstinence but also teach them about safe sex. I want to make sure they have all the facts available so that they are able to make good decisions. Thanks so much for your post! It really helped!